“Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.
“Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, I will never fail you. I will never abandon you. So we can say with confidence, The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Hebrews 13:3 -5
Wow…. What a way to start a Friday… news of a shocking terror in Fort Hood, people watching while I viewed healthy young men with college sweatshirts tell disabled elderly to find tables elsewhere while the tables the college men were seated at had a huge handicapped sign marked clearly on the table made me think…
What is this life we live? I won’t kid and claim life has no barrier on what people should and shouldn’t do I am sure there are those fine lines somewhere and the majority of people today accept and follow those rules while others laugh and walk over them. When does life make acceptance for ignorance or the shifting of blame on to others. When did it become okay for society to blast one child and praise another? I found it so difficult to move on from my previous marriage, I admit I was hateful, spiteful, I held on to so much anger because I knew I could control the situation by being mad, I could make excuses for the ex not to be around because I was so angry. In reality I was hurt and I knew I had done wrong and above and beyond I knew I didn’t have it in me to apologize. I didn’t have it in me to say flat out “I’m sorry” on the other hand I was upset that now I was 20 and raising a beautiful young lady on my own. I was scared. So I held that anger, I focused on it, drew strength from it and built a life focused on raising my daughter in spite of being a single mother. I sought help only when needed but relied on my anger to feed me.
1Timothy 1:12-14 “ I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him, even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it ignorance and unbelief. Oh how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.”
I was ignorant, stubborn and did everything I knew from my old Catholic raising I shouldn’t be doing. The only thing I never got involved with was illegal drugs, and alcohol. All else I admit I probably did, and why? I still ask myself today that very question why did I find it so necessary to destroy my life, to destroy others, to live such a life of destruction, bad mouthing everyone every second I could get and blaming my life on others, my mistakes on everyone but myself. I didn’t have a faith, I didn’t believe that my life was worth anything, it was one morning I was bored walking around the mall in Riverside. Stopped in the second level Barnes and Noble looking at books for my daughter. When picked up the prettiest journal you would ever see. Dark emerald green leather with amazing gold filigree writing inscribed it read Jeremiah 29:11 a verse today that speaks to me every morning. “ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Call it my wake up call… call it a revelation what ever you decide it happened. My eyes realized I was on a road of disaster, of miserable fates and even losing my own life. Relying on anti-depressants daily, sleeping medications for insomnia, you name it my doctors told me it would “fix me” nothing ever did and even though I knew of God I never knew of him I never knew him personally. I knew of nothing except misery, nothing except blame, nothing except hate, nothing except anger. Until I saw the scroll work, read the tiny words… my eyes teared up. I knew for so long that God had a reason for me what it was I still wasn’t sure and even today I am not sure is it the old man that I offer a smile to or the elderly lady I open the door for at the mall? Is it that teenager that I wave on while they walk home, could it be that I am here for one of them? For my husband who I love dearly and cherish every moment of every day, for my daughter who I find so hilarious and yet even more brilliant than I could ever be. Who knows… God does… when he is ready I shall too. For all those reading this who ask why, who ache for those that hurt them to understand, for a loved one to reconnect positively… Allow me just a moment more to say this… you are loved, you are cherished, you are God’s passion. Matthew 4:23 Only God can forgive our sins, focus on his passion and his love not those of others as some may falter and weaken through the years, 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 we as God’s children must realize that God Loves ME, God Loves YOU. He is always looking out for our eternal beneift and he will always be far wiser than we are. Focus on glorifying God and spend less time worrying over the past and what we have done. If you are anything like me you have a lot of skeletons in your closet. Some people will expose to hurt you some you will expose but what ever it is be that better person. Be that offer to move from one table to another for a disabled person, open that door for someone coming out of a building, say hello to the person in the parking lot. Live your life to glorify god and everything else settles in. Maybe not the ideal way we would like to think it should but in God’s way and in God’s design and in God’s time.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The World of Today... Army Major Kills 11
Reality… what is it? Is reality the thing that hits you when you when you feel there is no escape. Is reality that little voice in the back of your head telling you to open fire on innocent soldiers? When did our world become the critical, over -bearing world we live in? When did reality become a form of self serving gratifying works? Why does the entry way for evil always exists? Why is faith considered for the weak?
Many questions I could ask all night long and never get one firm answer. No instead what I would receive is a mired of weak, strained or even anger driven excuses for why people allow hatred to serve as their main power source. How hard is it to wake up for once and open hearts and minds to those in need? How many lives could have been spared today? What 11 men and women serving their nation dead… for what? For a war? For a man who just couldn’t face deployment? For a man who couldn’t put this faith in God?
What is happening? Some would say the end of times, others like myself just believe this is the down fall of humanity. No longer can you walk down the street in Southern California and simply say hello to a passerby without them grabbing their purse and pulling it closer or grabbing their child or my absolute favorite glaring at you as if you were their 13 year old daughter caught rolling your eyes.
Is it just me or has the good ole’ American faith disappeared? Has the will to help others vanished with our morality and general human decency? I won’t lie here, I have been there done that, read the book, went back for seconds you name it I have done it, tried to do it and either succeeded or failed; either way its experiences good and bad that make me the mother and wife I am today. When it comes to faith why do I believe in it some may ask? WHY NOT? I have been seeking one good reason to not believe in the faith of my Lord or a higher power. Seeking answers in Scientology, the Mormon Church, Catholicism, Judaism, even the Muslim belief and none of them could answer one question… why not believe in God. Many offered suggestions, some even offered psychological reasoning but not one could deny that faith, belief in moral grounds and dignity were not failing in our world as a whole. Now today… a man in a position of honor, a man most would walk down the street and consider a hero, I say most but sadly that is hardly the case in the world of today. It was not that long ago I contemplated enlistment, believing that the world of military life would be one of stability, pride, honor, a life I could be proud of. Our Lord had a plan for me, a plan of motherhood which I gladly accept. After hearing news reports, yahoo reports, why I ask… why would a man of such honor, be pushed to that limit? What would possess one to pass on the knowledge of right and wrong and sacrifice the lives of others. Now there will be idiots out there who simply put… “don’t you know why?” or even more ridiculous claims of “those people can’t be trusted” instead of looking inside of their own self .
In closing tonight… I ask you all… if you walked the downtown city streets tonight. For me it would be the city streets of Downtown Riverside California, and came across a homeless person, man or woman, let’s assume the temperatures will drop below 50 degrees tonight, would you offer your warm coat? Would you offer a dollar even to get them a warm cup of coffee from the local store? For most we would say no, we did not put them there, they made their own choices, they can stay in a shelter. Yes, they very likely could but would you? In my last blog noticed a woman who only had $20.00 to get her through the next week, what if that was you? What if all you had was the fifty cents in your pocket and a child to feed? Would you sell your material items to make ends meet and rely on faith to get you by? What does faith mean to you? Is the weak faith of a soldier fearing deployment running from the world in the hands of a weapon, taking lives to end his pain and build pain in others? Or is your faith in the hands of a higher power, Christian, Buddhist, Catholic, Muslim, Jewish, Baptist, you name it I’ve tried it and not just for week, for some a year for others 2... Searching for my reality and my faith…. Where will you find it? At the bottom of a bottle, end of a crack pipe, top of a lighter, butt of a cigarette, signature of your spouse on divorce papers… find faith now…. Find faith in morality, in humanity, in each other, in God, in Jehovah, in Allah. Something but find it. Find a reason to live, a reason to love, a reason to believe.
Many questions I could ask all night long and never get one firm answer. No instead what I would receive is a mired of weak, strained or even anger driven excuses for why people allow hatred to serve as their main power source. How hard is it to wake up for once and open hearts and minds to those in need? How many lives could have been spared today? What 11 men and women serving their nation dead… for what? For a war? For a man who just couldn’t face deployment? For a man who couldn’t put this faith in God?
What is happening? Some would say the end of times, others like myself just believe this is the down fall of humanity. No longer can you walk down the street in Southern California and simply say hello to a passerby without them grabbing their purse and pulling it closer or grabbing their child or my absolute favorite glaring at you as if you were their 13 year old daughter caught rolling your eyes.
Is it just me or has the good ole’ American faith disappeared? Has the will to help others vanished with our morality and general human decency? I won’t lie here, I have been there done that, read the book, went back for seconds you name it I have done it, tried to do it and either succeeded or failed; either way its experiences good and bad that make me the mother and wife I am today. When it comes to faith why do I believe in it some may ask? WHY NOT? I have been seeking one good reason to not believe in the faith of my Lord or a higher power. Seeking answers in Scientology, the Mormon Church, Catholicism, Judaism, even the Muslim belief and none of them could answer one question… why not believe in God. Many offered suggestions, some even offered psychological reasoning but not one could deny that faith, belief in moral grounds and dignity were not failing in our world as a whole. Now today… a man in a position of honor, a man most would walk down the street and consider a hero, I say most but sadly that is hardly the case in the world of today. It was not that long ago I contemplated enlistment, believing that the world of military life would be one of stability, pride, honor, a life I could be proud of. Our Lord had a plan for me, a plan of motherhood which I gladly accept. After hearing news reports, yahoo reports, why I ask… why would a man of such honor, be pushed to that limit? What would possess one to pass on the knowledge of right and wrong and sacrifice the lives of others. Now there will be idiots out there who simply put… “don’t you know why?” or even more ridiculous claims of “those people can’t be trusted” instead of looking inside of their own self .
In closing tonight… I ask you all… if you walked the downtown city streets tonight. For me it would be the city streets of Downtown Riverside California, and came across a homeless person, man or woman, let’s assume the temperatures will drop below 50 degrees tonight, would you offer your warm coat? Would you offer a dollar even to get them a warm cup of coffee from the local store? For most we would say no, we did not put them there, they made their own choices, they can stay in a shelter. Yes, they very likely could but would you? In my last blog noticed a woman who only had $20.00 to get her through the next week, what if that was you? What if all you had was the fifty cents in your pocket and a child to feed? Would you sell your material items to make ends meet and rely on faith to get you by? What does faith mean to you? Is the weak faith of a soldier fearing deployment running from the world in the hands of a weapon, taking lives to end his pain and build pain in others? Or is your faith in the hands of a higher power, Christian, Buddhist, Catholic, Muslim, Jewish, Baptist, you name it I’ve tried it and not just for week, for some a year for others 2... Searching for my reality and my faith…. Where will you find it? At the bottom of a bottle, end of a crack pipe, top of a lighter, butt of a cigarette, signature of your spouse on divorce papers… find faith now…. Find faith in morality, in humanity, in each other, in God, in Jehovah, in Allah. Something but find it. Find a reason to live, a reason to love, a reason to believe.
Opening my eyes
Maybe it’s my faith, my belief that God has a plan for everyone that has awakened me to the harsh reality of our world. Sadly, it was never more apparent than my recent experienced forced it to be. I guess you can say I have always been blessed with a few items one could consider to be luxury in life. For me, I must admit I took these for granted. It wasn’t until yesterday… with an overwhelming 9 loads of laundry and a short time frame I opted to try my hand at a Laundromat. Not too far from our abode I visited what seemed to be a land far away. Who would have thought this world could exist only 2 miles from us. A world where English was not a language used, Spanish sit comes played in the background and the sound of clanking change happened every twenty seconds. This was my reality for one day.
The scent of heat smothered laundry detergent, sounds of spinning machines and infants crying filled the tiny room. I have never experienced what I felt or thought. My first instinct was “ thank you Lord for all the blessings in my life.” I believed until this point that I had led a very thankful life, a God driven life. Never once did I imagine I was taking things for granted, never one did I believe this could have been me. As I started the machines adding in the detergent and coins I noticed an older lady, not much older but in her mid 40’s walking around the room aimlessly asking people questions in Spanish. Being that Spanish was never my forte I assumed she needed help but couldn’t quite make out what she needed. Eventually she made her way towards my direction, with a $20.00 bill in her hand. I gathered she was asking for change. Sadly I had just used all mine. As I saw her make her way back towards her machine it caught my eye that she already had 4 machines washing and started removing items of a 5th and 6th washer. Being a bit on the nosy side I made my way towards her and noticed she had a baby in a carrier, a toddler and a young daughter around my daughter’s age. I used what small Spanish I do know to ask the daughter if she spoke English, thankfully she did. I asked the daughter in English why her mom was removing items from the washers, she turned to her mother with the widest doe eyes and repeated the words in Spanish. Her mother smiled, I was not sure if this was a smile of embarrassment, or humor and stated that the $20.00 needs to get her though next week and she only needed $1.00 more for laundry to get change at the liquor store across the street would mean she would have to buy something and this she could not afford. My heart broke. I could not imagine struggling so much that $20.00 meant the difference between food and nothing at all. I apologized if my question embarrassed her and she simply nodded…. I walked over to my purse and dug around until I found $1.00 in change hoping this would help her she was quiet but gracious. Her hands opened slowly to receive the silver coins until this moment I never felt the roughness of a woman’s hands. I was taken back, handed her the coins offered a soft smile and walked towards my machine.
The scent of heat smothered laundry detergent, sounds of spinning machines and infants crying filled the tiny room. I have never experienced what I felt or thought. My first instinct was “ thank you Lord for all the blessings in my life.” I believed until this point that I had led a very thankful life, a God driven life. Never once did I imagine I was taking things for granted, never one did I believe this could have been me. As I started the machines adding in the detergent and coins I noticed an older lady, not much older but in her mid 40’s walking around the room aimlessly asking people questions in Spanish. Being that Spanish was never my forte I assumed she needed help but couldn’t quite make out what she needed. Eventually she made her way towards my direction, with a $20.00 bill in her hand. I gathered she was asking for change. Sadly I had just used all mine. As I saw her make her way back towards her machine it caught my eye that she already had 4 machines washing and started removing items of a 5th and 6th washer. Being a bit on the nosy side I made my way towards her and noticed she had a baby in a carrier, a toddler and a young daughter around my daughter’s age. I used what small Spanish I do know to ask the daughter if she spoke English, thankfully she did. I asked the daughter in English why her mom was removing items from the washers, she turned to her mother with the widest doe eyes and repeated the words in Spanish. Her mother smiled, I was not sure if this was a smile of embarrassment, or humor and stated that the $20.00 needs to get her though next week and she only needed $1.00 more for laundry to get change at the liquor store across the street would mean she would have to buy something and this she could not afford. My heart broke. I could not imagine struggling so much that $20.00 meant the difference between food and nothing at all. I apologized if my question embarrassed her and she simply nodded…. I walked over to my purse and dug around until I found $1.00 in change hoping this would help her she was quiet but gracious. Her hands opened slowly to receive the silver coins until this moment I never felt the roughness of a woman’s hands. I was taken back, handed her the coins offered a soft smile and walked towards my machine.